This might be the week I actually buy airfare. Committing to those non-refundable, staggeringly-expensive tickets is quite possibly the scariest part of the journey for me.
At present, I am watching no fewer than eight possible itineraries on Google Flights.
Conventional wisdom holds that the best prices are 171 days from departure from the US to Europe. Sadly, everything took a jump last week while I bit my nails and second-guessed myself. I hope I don’t regret that.
In spite of my nerves, the most amazing generosity has been pouring my way. I don’t have adequate words to describe my feelings about this. Stunned comes close. Humbled too. I’ve wept in astonished gratitude more than once. The faith of supporters in my purpose invites me to trust the Divine plan at work in all of this.
* * *
In quiet moments, I hear two messages about this journey. One of them is a constant companion, my old chattery brain with its hair-trigger worry reflex. It sets off without stopping to take a breath, “What if you’re doing the wrong thing? What if you’re not supposed to go? Don’t you have better things to do with your time and resources? This is ridiculous. Why are you doing this to yourself?” All reasonable concerns.
But. If I pat this hyper messenger on the head and send it off with a cookie, it settles down. Only then can I hear a second one, a truth-telling guide who whispers gentle, one-word messages in basso profundo, “Go.”
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Trust.”
Though I lack a strong conviction about the identity of that messenger, its simple statements make my jaw unclench, my shoulders relax, and my body takes a deep, refreshing breath. This gets my attention.
* * *
Tuesday mid-morning is the best time to buy airfare, so I’ll likely be hovering over the “Purchase” button with sweaty palms this week.
With everything happening in the world right now, I hesitate to ask for prayers when so many suffer and endure extreme uncertainty. My struggle seems so small by comparison. What compels me back to Spain is a calling into deeper relationship with the Divine and to be on the path, both literal and spiritual. With my whole heart, I hope to be a beacon of peace wherever I go.
I’d be grateful if you can send up a flare or a prayer for this one pilgrim’s next step.
Jen's Journey - Camino de Santiago 2013, 2016, & 2019 
I learnt a long time ago that a trip isn’t happening until the ticket is booked. For me, it’s hard to book a ticket because I go into a whole opportunity cost about time and money, which really is about what ifs and what will people think. I often manage to overcome it but with the cost of anxiety and worry attached. It sounds to me like you are going on this trip. Your normal self is doing what your normal self does. Give yourself the gift of doing this without the attaching anxiety. And if things change and the airfare is non refundable, you know what? You’ll probably find a way to handle it. In times of uncertainty, I think this is the most certain thing you can do. Buen camino!
Yes. Your words resonate so deeply for me. Is *is* the most certain thing, regardless of whether it’s the right one. Maybe “rightness” is an illusion anyway. Buen Camino to you too! ❤
With all that’s happening in the world right now, we need more travelers on journeys of peace and enlightenment like you. Don’t ever under estimate the power of being one small ray of light in a dark world.
Wow. Thank you, Barb. You have no idea how encouraging your words are to me today. ❤
I have no doubt you are on the right path, and that you’ll push through the fear and buy your flight next week because you know it’s the only choice.
much love,
Alison
I can’t do it either…that final commitment! What if the date is wrong? What if the prices drop a week later? My partner has to buy all the tickets…but in the end things always work out! It was easier in the days when changing a ticket was easy and no extra costs either! Good luck!
Any question that starts with “what if” is usually a red flag! Sometimes we’re too smart for our own good! 🙂 I will say that I feel much better now that I’ve got the tickets and the decision is done. Best wishes to you on your journey!