Losing my cool

Miles walked today:0mi /0km
Total training miles to date: 125.37mi /201.76km
Days left ’til I leave: 5

When I was in junior high school right before a concert performance, I’d get so worked up and nervous I’d break out into hives and snap at anyone within a 20-foot radius. I’d like to say I manage stress better today, but I really don’t.

If I told you just how much I’ve accomplished this week in preparation to leave my business, it might shock you. It has shocked me. It’s also stressed me out.

I’ve worked 12-hour days. There have been numerous stress-induced meltdowns. I think I remember an intense negotiation about dish washing. Seriously? The littlest things are getting to me and I know it’s because of the choices I’ve been making.

Leaving my business, my family, my support circles for such a long time is unnerving and disorienting. In less than a week, I’ll have less control over my life than I’ve ever had — and so much freedom. Perhaps the busy-ness is keeping me from really acknowledging the uncertainty and how alone I’ll be. Thankfully, I’ll have time to sort it all out, but I don’t want to burn bridges before I go.

The work is done and in competent hands now. The stuff I’m packing is in neat piles on the bed and I’m calming down a bit. But in case I’ve given the impression that this transition is a breeze, it’s not. It’s hard. It’s emotional. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

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